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My weekly musings (AKA a load of twaddle)

This week has been a really odd one. The most awful thing was my cousin's funeral on Wednesday. She died aged 57 of cancer. Bloody unfair to her and her three daughters, all in their 20s, two of them with children, who also lost their dad a few years ago. Susan had just rekindled her relationship with her former husband and that in itself is unfair. It's all just wrong.

January is a hellish month for us; of course Ben's birthday in the middle of it is a joy, but why did he have to be born three weeks after Christmas? No sooner have we got the decorations down, eaten three chocolate oranges a week and broken weak Dry January resolves than it's time to celebrate our son and heir's special day. Now it's the end of the month and I feel like my year can finally start. I know this happens every year, but I just forget! I need to put in my diary reminders for next year. "Lost your marbles?" on January 12th would help. "Find them now" on 1st February. Maybe the plot might reapear around mid February?

I'm meeting some girls tonight for a takeaway curry. We've already been messaging about all of us either having had a meltdown, being on the verge of one or ignoring the fact that one is going on by not talking about it. I asked a leading question for tonight's discussion - How do you ask for help when you don't know what to ask for? Predictably no answers are forthcoming as I'm sure the others are the same as me. I just don't know how to ask for help because I usually don't know what I need help with. I've been overwhelmed with work this last month, not actual workload, just being on top of organising and covering for other people on courses or just away. I was scared stiff I'd not be in the classroom I was supposed to be in. I planned each week, kept my diary meticulously up to date and wrote lists of things to do. I did only miss one day - luckily I found out in advance - and it turns out, we don't think I was actually informed so it wasn't my fault! This, I find now by writing it, is more stressful than the thing I thought I'd be stressed out by. (Which was marking two sets of books for maths and English three times a week for the whole of the month, on top of what I do normally.) I don't know if anyone will have any answers for me, I guess we all struggle with asking for help. I'm fine asking physical things, like "Can Ben stay with you overnight as we are off to a funeral?" but I think saying "This is too much" is too hard. Or possibly only becomes apparently after it actually has been too much. I'm sure we will have fun discussing though!

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